urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove watch me fall from the edge... sugar bear! 2005-02-06T21:17:35Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:37093 2005-02-06T21:17:35Z 2005-02-06T21:17:35Z mirabai's romeo & juliet cd i'm drowning<br />fuck it all<br />why does no one love me enough?<br />you hurt me so bad<br />can i talk myself out of this one?<br />fuck it all<br />i can't breathe<br />my tears drown out all sound<br />the colors begin to run<br />i am alone<br />no one really gives a fuck<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />there's no love like lost love and no pain like a broken heart<br />there's no love like you and me and no loss like us apart urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:36819 2005-01-02T07:24:04Z 2005-01-02T07:24:04Z ghost mountain- the unicorns PAST<br />First grade teacher's name: what first grade teacher?<br />Last word you said: you (as in "i love you!")<br />Last song you sang: strange fruit- billie holiday<br />Last song stuck in your head: the only living boy in new york- simon&garfunkel<br />PRESENT<br />What's in your CD player: the unicorns- who will cut our hair when we're gone?<br />What color socks are you wearing: no socks!<br />What's under your bed: a feather mattress pad, american girl dolls and an LLBean backpack (it's eggplant! and it's monogrammed!)<br />What's the weather like: chilly and a bit wet<br />What time did you wake up today: 11:45, but hey, last night was new years eve- i stayed up late!<br />FUTURE<br />Who do you want to marry: zach braff<br />Are you going to college: yesm<br />Where do you want to go: st johns maybe... brown is awesome (but i would never get in, haha)<br />What is your career going to be: ...being awesome at something and looking hot in the workplace?<br />Where are you going to live: where ever i belong<br />How many kids do you want: between 0-2<br />Kids' names: marisol, james, isabella... aww i want kids to name them!<br />Where do you want your honeymoon: costa rica<br />What kind of car will you have: a hot volvo so my mom doesn't worry about me dying.... but hey, volvos are sexy<br /><br />your favorite myth: that none of my bras fit... yay for kendall and bra shopping!<br />your favorite god: um...the hot one.... aphrodite?<br />your favorite serial killer: the one from law and order?<br />your favorite body organ: um...yeah stomach<br />your favorite body part: lips<br />your favorite author: david sedaris<br />your favorite obsession: vh1<br />your favorite number: 6 and 3 and 16<br />your favorite excuse: but i have no friends!<br />your favorite emotion: determination<br />your favorite drink: kaluha and milk<br />your favorite place: inside miles' red and green blanket<br />your favorite unattainable object: someone who is there for me no matter what<br />your favorite regret: i'll start crying, so... i try not to regret<br />your favorite thing to hate: high schoolers<br />your favorite paranoia: that no one loves me and that there's something inherently wrong with me<br />your favorite way to kill yourself: drug overdose<br />your favorite insecurity: my hips<br />your new favorite favorite: place<br />your favorite frustration: how messed up i am urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:36580 2004-12-27T22:09:57Z 2004-12-27T22:09:57Z lover man- dizzy gillespie, ella fitzgerald, charlie parker laugh now<br />you think you've broken me<br />but i was never assembled in the first place<br />laugh now<br />you think you're hurting me<br />but i've been hurting since the day i was born<br />laugh now<br />you think i'll never win<br />but i've begun to run and you're stuck at the starting line<br />we'll see who's laughing<br />when i'm put together<br />when my pain ends<br />when i win<br />and way back in the distance i'll see you and think<br /><br />"that shadow looks familiar. i wonder why it never began the race." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:36117 2004-12-17T04:31:53Z 2004-12-17T04:35:09Z fuck you mix skies clearing up<br />storm clouds fight to stay<br />fight for anything<br />but it's over<br />blue skies have won urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:35996 2004-12-01T04:08:34Z 2004-12-01T04:08:34Z garden state soundtrack drink up baby down<br />are you in or are you out?<br />leave your things behind<br />because it's all going off without you<br />excuse me, too busy<br />you're writing your tragedy<br />these mishaps you bubble wrap<br />when you've no idea what you're like...<br /><br />so let go<br />jump in<br />oh well, what you waiting for?<br />it's alright,<br />because there's beauty in the breakdown<br />yeah, let go<br />just get in<br />oh it's so amazing here<br />it's alright,<br />because there's beauty in the breakdown<br /><br />it gains the more it gives<br />and then it rises with the fall<br />so hand me that remote<br />can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?<br />such boundless pleasure<br />We've no time for later now, <br />you can't await your own arrival <br />you've twenty seconds to comply<br /><br />so let go<br />jump in<br />oh well, what you waiting for?<br />it's alright,<br />because there's beauty in the breakdown<br />yeah, let go<br />just get in<br />oh it's so amazing here<br />it's alright,<br />because there's beauty in the breakdown urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:35622 2004-11-13T03:32:31Z 2004-11-13T03:32:31Z beach boys you are not all powerful<br />you are not the begining or the end<br />you are not even the middle<br />you are the pages<br />before the story even begins urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:35400 2004-11-09T05:50:57Z 2004-11-09T05:50:57Z i wish you were here do you remember?<br />how could you forget?<br />the world was gorgeous<br />i finally felt free<br />and you felt something real<br />when you had been lost for too long<br />don't you remember?<br />how did we lose it?<br />how could you hurt me?<br />don't you remember?<br />you can't forget<br />why did you hurt me?<br />you forgot<br />betrayal was never in question<br />until you threw it all away<br />don't<br /><br />you<br /><br />remember?<br />i can never forget urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:35075 2004-11-01T06:53:07Z 2004-11-01T06:53:07Z ani! your ears are still closed<br />your eyes are still closed<br />my heart is still open<br />it still absorbs all the pain<br />don't pretend i didn't pour it out to you<br />don't pretend you didn't hurt me<br />and don't pretend i didn't hurt you<br />i hate lies<br />i hate my lies<br />and yet only my lies<br />save me from banishment urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:34948 2004-10-29T06:39:42Z 2004-11-01T06:34:19Z yes- and you and i help...<br />make the darkness fade away<br />but it only fades to black<br />and i'm all alone<br /><br />no one sees me anymore<br />it's like i'm invisible<br />all alone with my mind<br /><br />don't pretend<br />don't lie<br /><br />look me straight in the eye<br />and tell me what it is you have to say<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i don't care if it's not what i want to hear urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:34805 2004-10-28T04:26:24Z 2004-10-28T04:26:24Z can i think i'm good. i'm sending out good vibes to alex wilson. nothing much to say. so many compliments... love you all urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:34402 2004-10-27T05:06:22Z 2004-11-01T06:33:25Z sing swan song i kind of understand those mofos who said "life sucks, then you die" and they say the teenage years are the best ones? screw that with a spear like in lord of the flies. poor pig...<br /><br /><br /><br />hey sarah... mmmm... bloody pulp of cat.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:34255 2004-10-22T00:24:58Z 2004-10-22T00:24:58Z commando i'm starting a new chapter of my life...<br />out with the old, in with the new...<br />we'll see how this goes<br /><br />got my dress for homecoming...<br />it's freaking covered in sequins!!!!!<br />i'll get shoes from blake after voice lessons<br />sarah will do my makeup<br />i'll get a curling iron<br /><br />god, i'm gonna be a vision of hotness!!!<br /><br />no JWB molesting though!!!!<br /><br />...can't be that hot!!!<br /><br />gosh...<br />that freaking bastard dosen't deserve me!!!!<br />he dosen't even deserve me to talk to him.<br /><br /><br />GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH<br /><br /><br />then why do i still love him so much?<br /><br /><br /><br />but whatever<br /><br />i'll still feel good<br />i'll be fine<br />i'll be better<br /><br />just keep swimming... just keep swimming... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:33956 2004-10-16T20:27:15Z 2004-10-16T20:27:15Z How does it feel to treat me like you do<br />When you've laid your hands upon me<br />And told me who you are<br />I thought I was mistaken<br />I thought I heard your words<br />Tell me how do I feel<br />Tell me now how do I feel<br /><br />How does it feel?<br />How should I feel?<br />Tell me how does it feel<br />To treat me like you do?<br /><br />Those who came before me<br />Lived through their vocations<br />From the past until completion<br />They'll turn away no more<br />And I still find it so hard<br />To say what I need to say<br />But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me<br />Just how I should feel today<br /><br />I see ship in the harbor<br />I can and shall obey<br />But if it wasn't for your misfortunes<br />I'd be a heavenly person today<br />And I thought I was mistaken<br />And I thought I heard you speak<br />Tell me how do I feel<br />Tell me now how should I feel<br />Now I stand here waiting...<br />I thought I told you to leave me<br />While I walked down to the beach<br />Tell me how does it feel<br />When your heart grows cold<br /><br />How does it feel?<br />How should I feel?<br />Tell me how does it feel<br />To treat me like you do? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:33764 2004-10-14T03:21:56Z 2004-10-14T03:21:56Z somebody please teach me how to get away from all this pain urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:33014 2004-10-13T02:28:40Z 2004-10-13T02:28:40Z vanessa paradis today sucked so hard. got up. went to geometry. did vigil for mathew shepard at tutorial. went to choir. saw miles for second at begining of lunch. saw miles at end of lunch going away with krista. horrible history period. bad day came to head with me crying after school while jeremy tried to comfort me while being really way too touchy. he was no boundaries. talked to krista for a half hour. felt a bit better i guess. went to the costume parade. got food. went home. life sucks. people sucks. and now.... i'm over it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:32730 2004-10-10T17:57:46Z 2004-10-10T17:57:46Z the past and pending vinnie is lost...<br />my mom can't stop crying...<br />god damn it<br />god damn it<br />god damn it<br />i fucking still hate people<br />and i hate that<br />stop trying to fucking be something to me<br />have some fucking respect for yourself<br />for once in your fucking life<br />look at me<br />you see the way my stare continues past?<br />stop trying<br />stop fooling yourself<br />fuck off<br />i hate myself for this<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />and i won't change urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:32371 2004-10-06T02:23:32Z 2004-10-06T02:23:32Z jenny don't call to "chat" after a whole day of talking shit behind my back. fucking tell me anything, maybe even the truth, whoever would have thought of that, but don't tell me you wanted to "chat" well, i know better. get ready for some confrontation urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:32248 2004-10-05T05:46:26Z 2004-10-05T05:46:26Z smile like you mean it i'm tired. i'm tired of everything. i'm happy... don't get me wrong, i have nothing to complain about. i'm just sick of this day-to-day business. i can't trust anyone or myself. i'm sick of being called a bitch by someone who would never say it to my fucking face. i'm sick of actually being that bitch and not controlling it. i'm sick of all the threats that come from the back of my mind. i joke and joke and laugh along when you tell me it's stupid but you don't fucking realize that i'm scared. you can't see beyond my external attitude and recognize that i'm fucking scared that one day you will all leave me. i don't care if i act all cocky sometimes. you know me well enough. i'm making it clear enough. all i want is reassureance. they're dropping like flies and one by one they're joining the opposition. and they're appearing too, but you can't trust anyone completely and one day everyone could take my secrets and my trust and throw them out the fucking window. no, you don't miss me... not one bit urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:31887 2004-10-01T03:53:13Z 2004-10-01T03:53:13Z tsunami bomb i'm excited for this weekend dahlings... tomorrow i'll chill with jolie, eat pineapple and bake brownies. saturday ill go to dance then chill with miles, then lucy. sunday i'll go to my darling's house and do homework, yay! anyway mucho tarea to do. school sucks urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:31690 2004-09-30T01:33:00Z 2004-09-30T01:33:00Z megalomaniac miles called and asked if i wanted to come over... called mom she wouldnt let me cause im "sick". got mad... threw my history book... it's not in such good shape now... then was like "i know what i should do... the anwser is smoking." but then i calmed enough to realize i have so much shit to do so thats not the best. now im doing history and trying to find people to stay with over the weekend. people suck so fucking much. i have too much to do and not enough time to do it in...god damn it i shouldn't have all this urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:31328 2004-09-28T02:10:54Z 2004-09-28T02:10:54Z the shins i want to sleep... i love you girls. we should all hang out because you are wonderful people. i'm tired. let's go do geometry! woohoo! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:31130 2004-09-26T17:09:28Z 2004-09-26T17:09:28Z the killers- somebody told me got a busy day today... cleaning my room... doing my homework... going to the gym... working with small children at the celtic festival... should be a good day. yesterday went to dance then chilled with milleoso until 7... came home and watched say anything... john cusack is my hero. anyway, i gotta clean my loves... don't get caught up in confusion, high school or anything during that time isn't worth it. just enjoy yourself and if you're not enjoying something... kill it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:30780 2004-09-18T05:59:01Z 2004-09-18T05:59:01Z young pilgrims- the shins somehow, aside from the confusion and doubt... everything seems to fit... somehow, the worries fade to the back of my mind and well... unexplainable my darlings! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:30589 2004-09-11T22:39:36Z 2004-09-11T22:39:36Z ben folds five- golden slumbers yesterday... had school, got into a cappela group, woohoo!!! then met up with my darlings morgan and sarah and went to sarah's dads house. once jo and cess got there jolie and i walked to meet miles downtown... did that... met some of miles's drunkard friends who were saying he was whipped by me... as in not miles's girlfriend (uuuuugh). then miles and i went to the laguna and smoked and hung out there until like 9, i was gonna go see the midnight show of donnie darko at the rialto with mollie but ended up going to see a late show of garden state with miles... ahhhh confusing my darlings. anyway i'm chilling at the office reading a book. at 6 or 8 mollie is gonna call me and we're gonna go to a senior party tonight, so that should be good. anyway darlings, i hope you're all doing good and are having a much less confusing week than me. love you all muah urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:chickenmylove:30372 2004-09-10T06:04:34Z 2004-09-10T06:04:34Z the shins- weird divide im tired...<br />i give up...<br />i accept...<br />woowoo<br />my backbone is replaced by flawed happiness